Thursday, 11 August 2022

Laal Singh Chaddha: A Flop of Forrest Gumpian Proportions

Aamir as Laal Singh Chaddha

Laal Singh Chaddha has flopped. Not mildly, not modestly—but with the grace and velocity of a crashing satellite. It isn’t just bad. It’s the cinematic equivalent of being stuck in traffic, during a heatwave, behind a truck full of leaky fish.

Let’s be honest: this film never had a chance. A clumsy remake of Forrest Gump—a classic that didn’t ask to be reborn in a kurta—Laal Singh Chaddha somehow manages to be dumber than its own premise. The screenplay stumbles from one inexplicable plot point to the next like it’s trying to fail a sobriety test. The dialogues are so grating, they could strip paint. The songs? Tuneless lullabies that lull you not into sleep, but existential despair.

Aamir Khan, in what can only be described as an overacted homage to a malfunctioning robot, gives a performance so self-consciously “innocent” it makes you want to file a noise complaint. Kareena Kapoor’s portrayal, meanwhile, is less acting and more a public service warning against expressionless emoting. Some films give you a headache. Laal Singh Chaddha causes a full-body spasm. It's less a movie, more an endurance test.

As an actor, Aamir Khan now firmly resides in the dustbin of Bollywood history—somewhere between "why was this made?" and "please don’t try again." And as a political commentator, he occupies a special place in the underworld where failed philosophers, performative intellectuals, and Marxist lifestyle columnists gather for eternal panel discussions.

Whenever Aamir appears on television, solemnly lecturing the nation on politics, culture, or Hinduism—usually while gazing pensively into the distance—I feel a primal urge to ensure his films never again make it past the editing room. He speaks like a man who just discovered Wikipedia and thinks quoting Tagore makes him Socrates. And naturally, the interviewers nod along, too polite (or too terrified) to inform him that he’s not, in fact, the conscience of the nation.

But here’s the silver lining: Laal Singh Chaddha has flopped so magnificently that even Netflix might hesitate before picking up the rights. There is, thankfully, no danger of a sequel (Laal Singh Chaddha Returns: Still Running) anytime soon. Perhaps Aamir will now take a sabbatical—from filmmaking, from interviews, from unsolicited national commentary.

Let the silence begin. #BoycottLaalSinghChaddha

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